Toothpaste Cum

Very stressed...too much crap going on here right now. Two nights without sleep so I'm kinda loopy today but did have a sexual thought. I worry about how perverted I am sometimes and this is further proof of that. I got this new toothpaste...aquafresh isoactive. Saw the commercials and thought I'd give it a shot. It's a gel that foams up in your mouth...is supposed to clean all the nooks and crannies really well. This isn't a product review...just an explanation. It does in fact poof a foam up into your mouth. First time I used it (a few days ago) it immediately reminded me of the feeling of a man cumming in my mouth. Honestly, I thought it was gross. LOL I do like to give everything a fair shot so I will continue to use it but if it does not show itself to be exceptionally better than regular toothpastes, I won't buy it again.

I may, however, start requiring my subs/slaves/sissies to use it as their toothpaste. I mean, what could be better than for them to have to the feeling of their mouths filling up every time they brush their teeth? Especially if they are under orders to imagine it as cum. I think it would be a unique and interesting training tool.

Apology

Sorry about the late night rant that was posted here. It was a bad night at work and triggered the christmas stress and then the thing about the boss being unable to reach me cuz of my dead phone just kinda set me off.  Anyway, I took the rant down, and no, I won't kick people in the head if they mention xmas or phones. That would get me in a lot of trouble. Especially at work where all the ladies seem to want to talk xmas. LOL I was right though--damn stomach did keep me up all night. Need less stress and the cleanse/detox, but will have to settle for what's in the medicine cabinet so I can try and get through my day. Anyway, will think of something fun and sexual to post here very soon. Promise.

I Want My T-Shirt

Where do I get my "I Survived My Daughter's Bout With The Swine Flu" t-shirt? After a serious week-long battle with the h1n1 virus, my daughter is finally getting back on her feet. The doctor gave us this list of symptoms to watch for and said to go directly to the nearest emergency room if any of them developed. That did not put me at ease. Today is the first time she has behaved anywhere near what is normal for her since last Saturday. Even so, she's still napped twice today, which for my little on-the-go bundle of energy is bizarre. They weren't kidding when they said this hits younger people harder. The rest of us got it, but it was just a mild flu. My 6 year old got run over by it. This was the sickest I have ever seen her and it scared the hell out of me. I have not slept more than catnaps all week so I could keep an eye on her. I hope to be able to get more sleep tonight. So as long as she does not develop any secondary infections while she is still weak, she will recover. I can't tell you what a relief that is. I've been terrified all week. A 5 year old with no underlying conditions died from this virus just last month very near here. Thank you to those of you who e-mailed your support and prayers. They were all greatly appreciated.

Duckling and Timing

So there is this customer where I work. I call him my duckling. Long story short, a few months ago he was getting harassed by some guys in the parking lot. He came in and told me about it...like what the hell am I supposed to do?? I went and looked around outside to see if they were still there (would have called cops if they were) and for whatever reason he freaking imprinted on me. He followed me around the rest of the night. Finally I took pity on him and went and stood there and talked to him until he finished and got enough nerve to go home. Since then he has made a point to come in while I'm at work every week (he asked my schedule).

I am a Domme after all and he did hide behind my skirt...and he calls me Ma'am all the time...so I tease him a little. Nothing hard core and nothing sexual. Just enough to make him squirm a little. Well, two weeks ago we ended up at my work alone, he was the last customer of the night. When he realized my car was not in the parking lot, he offered me a ride home. I live just a couple blocks away and usually walk in. For those of you who don't know, and I'm assuming that's most, I was date raped a while back and still have some trust issues. So when confronted with getting in the car with someone I barely know...I could not do it. Almost had a panic attack. Which I haven't had in a long time. Not sure how much of that showed on my face at the time, but I'm assuming quite a bit because I was still very pale when I finally got home.

So last week he did not show up on his usual nights...Thursday or Friday. I just thought he'd show on Sunday as he had occasionally in the past. But on Saturday (Halloween) I went by work for a second with my kids on our way to trick or treat and he was there. He knows I don't work Saturday nights. Obviously he was trying to avoid me. I was afraid that maybe he thought he had offended me the week before with the ride offer so I went out of my way to be friendly when I greeted him as I was leaving. But then he did not return during my shifts this week either. Now I worry that I offended him.

Normally I'd say it's not a huge deal. I barely know the guy. But I am sooooo bored at work I can't even tell you. He provided a little relief so my brain did not melt and leak out my ears. More importantly, I NEED to feed my inner Goddess. Teasing him gave me a tiny bit of power feeding. Not anywhere near what I need, but enough that it helped me stay sane. Now that is gone.

Which brings me to the bigger question. Do I look for a slave now? My health is stabilized but it is nowhere near good. It is, however, as good as it's going to get until summer of 2010 when I can actually start to deal with some of the issues. I can't wait until I can look as sexy as I feel again. LOL

 Part of me knows it's unfair to tell someone they have to wait that long to play in person. The other part of me knows that if they want me enough, they will wait. They will do anything, whatever it takes. So what do you all think? Get an online playmate now? Or wait until I'm closer to ready to really play?

The Search Begins

I had been hoping to get to this post sooner, but the H1N1 virus is visiting My family. My niece had it last week and is mostly recovered now except for a lingering cough. Unfortunately, My daughter got a more serious case of it and is still down sick, so I have been distracted.

I was telling a friend the other day that the issue for Me right now is that My mind has healed before My body. So I am all set to go, sexually, but My body is just not yet up to it. Soon it will be though and so I decided to begin the online search and that way I will have a set to select from when My body is ready to return. Essentially there are numerous different sexual "sides" of Me. Right now I've got them separated and am seeking different people to service each need. For instance, there will be the general sub search and the masochist search and the search for a sissy and some other ones that I prefer not to list here. Not ready to go public there yet. LOL Even My vanilla side needs to be fed and I'll be seeking a vanilla lover as well.

Yes, ideally, I'd find one slave who would do all these things, but that just has not been the case. After all, isn't submission about surrendering his needs/desires to Mine and having him do what would please Me? I've talked to subs who have served Dommes who wanted to be penetrated and who did have sex with her. Usually the Domme would not allow them to cum inside her. Personally, I enjoy the feel of a male cumming inside Me so I would probably not make that rule. I would require them to eat their cum back out of Me afterward. The other things...be they surrendering to My sadistic needs or wearing whatever female garments I desire them to wear, not to mention role playing My various other desires should all be things done as an act of worship of Me. It is only through surrender and exploration into the depth of all our needs that we grow into all that we can be. Sadly, I have yet to find one who believes or understands this so I'm going to be searching for an assortment of subs who have desires in these various areas and have them as playmates.

Maybe someday I will stumble across someone who can be more than just a playmate. But I'm not holding My breath.

I'm Back

Yes, I'm back again with a new blog. It's been a long time since I've written anything so be patient with Me as I re-acclimate Myself to the blogging lifestyle. For those of you who don't know I'm a dominant woman. I go by the title Goddess only to subs/slaves who are Mine. Otherwise, those who feel some need to show extra respect due to My dominant status can use Lady or Ma'am. Don't call Me Mistress. I don't use that title. For the rest of you, Heather is just fine. Indiscriminate grovelling from the entire population is neither expected nor sought.

I'm a single mother with one daughter and a niece who has lived with Me since she was an infant. After many years of illness I am very slowly beginning to heal. It will take time but eventually My body will return to health. Or at least as much health as it is able to. I am still without health care so most of what I am doing is guesswork. The last year was tremendously hard. I prefer not to go into details but basically life completely melted down. Things are on a more even keel now although it will take time to get everything back to normal.

I am well enough to begin returning to My sex life so I will soon be looking for online playmates. I am already looking for one specific type but soon will begin seeking a general sub/slave. A Goddess without a slave is kind of pointless, you know? I miss being worshipped and need to find that again in My life.