Duckling and Timing

So there is this customer where I work. I call him my duckling. Long story short, a few months ago he was getting harassed by some guys in the parking lot. He came in and told me about it...like what the hell am I supposed to do?? I went and looked around outside to see if they were still there (would have called cops if they were) and for whatever reason he freaking imprinted on me. He followed me around the rest of the night. Finally I took pity on him and went and stood there and talked to him until he finished and got enough nerve to go home. Since then he has made a point to come in while I'm at work every week (he asked my schedule).

I am a Domme after all and he did hide behind my skirt...and he calls me Ma'am all the time...so I tease him a little. Nothing hard core and nothing sexual. Just enough to make him squirm a little. Well, two weeks ago we ended up at my work alone, he was the last customer of the night. When he realized my car was not in the parking lot, he offered me a ride home. I live just a couple blocks away and usually walk in. For those of you who don't know, and I'm assuming that's most, I was date raped a while back and still have some trust issues. So when confronted with getting in the car with someone I barely know...I could not do it. Almost had a panic attack. Which I haven't had in a long time. Not sure how much of that showed on my face at the time, but I'm assuming quite a bit because I was still very pale when I finally got home.

So last week he did not show up on his usual nights...Thursday or Friday. I just thought he'd show on Sunday as he had occasionally in the past. But on Saturday (Halloween) I went by work for a second with my kids on our way to trick or treat and he was there. He knows I don't work Saturday nights. Obviously he was trying to avoid me. I was afraid that maybe he thought he had offended me the week before with the ride offer so I went out of my way to be friendly when I greeted him as I was leaving. But then he did not return during my shifts this week either. Now I worry that I offended him.

Normally I'd say it's not a huge deal. I barely know the guy. But I am sooooo bored at work I can't even tell you. He provided a little relief so my brain did not melt and leak out my ears. More importantly, I NEED to feed my inner Goddess. Teasing him gave me a tiny bit of power feeding. Not anywhere near what I need, but enough that it helped me stay sane. Now that is gone.

Which brings me to the bigger question. Do I look for a slave now? My health is stabilized but it is nowhere near good. It is, however, as good as it's going to get until summer of 2010 when I can actually start to deal with some of the issues. I can't wait until I can look as sexy as I feel again. LOL

 Part of me knows it's unfair to tell someone they have to wait that long to play in person. The other part of me knows that if they want me enough, they will wait. They will do anything, whatever it takes. So what do you all think? Get an online playmate now? Or wait until I'm closer to ready to really play?