Snip Snip

As I said on Wednesday night in My comment to the last post, castration is now part of the extreme fantasy collection. That one just kind of came out of nowhere. Don't get Me wrong, I have had fantasies about it before. Sometimes extensive ones. It just hasn't been around recently. It doesn't go with Daddie or with Glorious Excrement (both of those are separate too by the way) and so to get all three to run in one continuous fantasy takes some mental gymnastics, let Me tell you. LOL

I have to say, I love My mind. No matter how bad My mood gets, My sex fantasies are always right there to bolster Me back up and keep Me moving. So if scissors is what it takes then I say, "SNIP SNIP."

Perversion as Therapy

I use My kinky sexuality as a form of therapy. I have a lot of stress/fear/frustration/pain/disappointment from several situations going on this week and coming up next week. You could say that I'm rather frazzled right now. LOL

So I have been attempting to jack up the intensity level of My sex play. Which means reaching for the hard-core extreme end of My sexual fantasies. It helps Me to function because it keep the negative emotions from paralyzing Me. Plus I have a health condition that stress exacerbates and it has been acting up big time these days. My active kinky fantasy life is one of the few things that actually works as stress relief for Me.

So do any of the rest of you use your perversions in this type of way?

Private Time

Due to some overnight guests, privacy, which is normally very hard for Me to come by anyway, was nonexistent at My home this weekend. When you are horny, that is a bitch. LOL I am craving porn. Fortunately, I am really good at seeing perversion in vanilla news stories and building fantasies off that. I have a pretty good sized collection of those type of articles and am always adding more, but sometimes I just need some honest to goodness porn. Unfortunately, I usually have little to no opportunity to partake of it.

There is good news though. Three days next week I will have some private time. I can't get hugely into anything then because I will have to be able to leave at a moments notice, but I will be able to have some fun. However, due to a trip and a class that are coinciding, I have a day in mid-May when the internet and I will have some extended quality alone time together. I am already counting the days until that one. LOL

If any of you have any good porn suggestions, e-mail them to Me. My public e-mail address is on My blogger profile.

Daddie Won

Yep I am back to normal. More or less. I even got the chance to masturbate to an intense Daddie/sissyboi fantasy before I left work tonight. Mmmmmmmmm I feel so much better. :-)

My Cunt Is Trying

My cunt is trying to get back to it's normal horny fun self. Tonight the guy I mess with occasionally came into My work and I don't always respond to him sexually, but I did tonight. That's how I know that My cunt really really wants to get back to normal. However, we could not do anything because of how it was at work so after he left we were flirting via text. Some men should just not be allowed to speak or, in this case, text. I know it's partly because he's young and partly because he is vanilla but sooner or later he always says something that turns Me off and he did tonight.

I really need to be horny right now. In the first place I had one of those awful people at work tonight who speak to Me in rude, insulting and condescending ways and so I have a monster headache. An orgasm would take that away. Also I have the residual emotional issues from My mother's birthday this week and what I really want is just a break from all the crap in My head. LOL

So...what shall I distract Myself with? Shall I go back to My most recent obsessions and be Daddie with My Fabulous Horse Cock? I could breed My little slut. Or be Goddess and nourish My slut with My Glorious Excrement? Or go off in a different direction entirely? Hmmmmm....

Silence

Hey guys, sorry for the silence. There are dates that are challenging for Me and one of them was this week. It would have been My late mother's birthday. I will return to My normal self soon.

Not That Kind of Daddie

I wasn't really planning to address this publicly, but I received yet another e-mail on it this morning so I decided I better clarify here. When I talk about Daddie and his Fabulous Horse Cock, I am not looking for a Daddie with a Fabulous Horse Cock. I am Daddie and it's My Fabulous Horse Cock. The sub is My eager desperate needy little cockwhore who only exists to be Daddie's slut.

Given the fact that I prefer males who are considerably older than Me, I have occasionally toyed with the idea of calling one of them "Daddy" and being Goddess to My "Daddy" but I have never pursued that enough to even try it out and that is not what I've been writing about here.
 
So please, those of you who misunderstood and think I'm looking for a Daddy with a Fabulous Horse Cock, stop propositioning Me. It's getting old. If the fact that I'm both female and Daddie taxes your brain too much, then just go find someone less complicated and follow their blog.

Upcoming Horny Weekend Fun

WooHoo. I get to have a super horny weekend. Due to a fortuitous set of circumstances I will be free to explore some fantasy stuff this weekend. I do have to work both days but the stuff I normally have to accomplish during My off time is not in play this weekend. I don't have to plan or prepare anything for My girls. I'm also finishing up the last semester of classes that I will be able to take and usually I have to catch up on assignments over the weekend, but this week I'm already ahead so I don't have anything I have to do.

Soooooo...what shall I do? Where shall I start? So many things are huge for Me right now. Glorious Excrement, Daddie, Fabulous Horse Cock...Can one get carpel tunnel from too much "self lovin'??" LOL

MMA Thoughts. GE Masturbation.

Well, those of you who read here will have noticed that I'm currently on a GE kick (see previous post). Something finally came up to take My mind off that. Briefly. Very briefly. LOL

Two MMA fighters came into My work tonight. In a post recently I talked about how homoerotic I find MMA fighting to be and how I always have gay sex fantasies when I happen to see it on television. Well, this is the first time I've come in contact with any of the fighters. Or at least knowingly. We have a pretty good sized MMA training gym here in town so I've probably encountered others before but just didn't know it so it didn't trigger the fantasies. These two were wearing t-shirts from the gym and had the bodies for it so they were for real.

One was hispanic and short. For some reason I have not yet been able to figure out I collect very short hispanic guys who crush on Me. I have 5 of them that come into My work on a regular basis and try to score My attention. I call them My runt club. LOL Anyway, this one didn't speak any english. Or at least I assume he didn't cuz the other guy with him was translating for Me. Okay, to begin with I am not gonna date someone with whom I don't speak the same language (DUH). Secondly, I'm not gonna date someone younger than Me (see about Me not being a cougar in a previous post). Third, I'm not gonna date a fighter. Ever. Too aggressive (ask Me about My My way/highway policy sometime). So the guy who was pimping him to Me was wasting his time. LOL

In any case, as soon as I knew they were MMA I was having horny fantasies about what I wanted to see them doing with each other. LOL Long story short the pimping guy actually works at the gym and gave Me his card and invited Me down to take a complimentary workout class there. LOL Ummmm...how many times would I have to take a time-out from the class to go masturbate from all the gay fantasy stuff going on around Me??? LMAO

So this all happened early in My evening but by the end of the night the GE fantasies were back. I even masturbated to them before I left work. :-) Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Today's Big Question

Today's obsession: Glorious Excrement. There is only one mood that brings that about. So the big question today is do I feed My Bitch Goddess mood or let it die off again? Hmmmmmm...

Moral Quandary

Holy crap y'all, what part of My sexuality has not visited Me in the last two days? I've been all over the place with Goddess, SuperBitch, Daddie, Mommie, hell, even Sir and naughty girl made brief appearances. It's been super interesting.

However, one of the topics that came up with a friend---cum eating---brought some more contemplative thoughts. Almost everyone uses cum eating as a humiliation. My friend does not. He uses it as a tool of self-love (and I don't mean that as a euphemism for masturbation). I was wondering if I could use it that way with some subs I know who have self esteem issues in order to do some healing.

My number one rule in play is that I don't break My toys. Or to put it another way, "that it harm none." Yeah there is sadistic fun with pain and humiliation and degradation but those are never done with the intent to harm. With some of My play partners I just have to take their word for it. I don't really know them outside of our kinky interactions and so I have no idea if they have self esteem issues or not. I don't know what makes them tick. On the surface they appear fine and so if they say they are fine I have to assume they are being honest with Me.

However, some I play with more intimately and I get to know them as people, not just sex toys. A few have self esteem issues. That leaves Me in a moral quandary because I'm not certain that Me being cruel to them during sex play is not doing harm. I've got a very over developed sense of responsibility and a very strong maternal instinct so when I reach the stage where I care about them as human beings then I naturally want to help with or fix what I can. If the level of trust is deep enough I can fix it. But for most they are unable to trust that deeply so I'm left with help, often only on very very shallow surface levels. Which is, of course, frustrating for Me because I know I could do so much good, if they would let Me. But even if they won't let Me do good, certainly I should not be doing bad. So I'm always holding back or with some trying to avoid going down the path of playing in ways that I'm unsure of the impact of.

But, of course, that undermines anything that could have grown between us and I'm left just kind of not knowing what to do. They feel Me holding back, but if I say why it will just make them blame themselves, which doesn't help anything. It just creates frustration and anger and pointlessness.

Horse Cock

Early this morning I sent someone a link to a horse cock dildo. It was sent as an example of My dream cum true but knowing that I'd never find someone THAT into anal. But even knowing it won't ever happen, I've been creaming all day thinking about what I could do to a boypussy with that dildo. Mmmmmmmmm.

Perversion

Oh geez I had a hell of a time focusing on what I needed to do tonight. I used a term in a discussion this morning that I haven't used in a while: BREEDING. Tomorrow I have to look around online for the dildo I want to breed someone with. Ummm...yeah, tomorrow is gonna be shot as far as focus goes too.

Then I innocently...okay, as innocently as it's possible for Me to be...open an e-mail tonight and there is a discussion of drinking gallons of cum. DAMN.

Will I ever be able to focus on non-sexual things again??? LOL

That's New

The last couple of days have been pretty sexually charged. I have one person writing to Me about his first time sucking and getting fucked by a real cock and another person writing to Me about the merits of fisting a female slut's pussy with a leather glove. So I am buzzing with sexual energy right now.

Enter into that situation this male I see at My work on a regular basis. This guy is in his mid to late twenties, I would guess. I am not a "cougar." I prefer older men. Okay, honestly, I prefer much older men. My father abandoned our family when I was four so I got the foundation of what having a father "feels" like but then lost it. So I will probably spend the rest of My life looking for someone who makes Me feel safe like that. Yes, I know, I'm not going to find it. That does not stop My soul from seeking/craving/needing it. As I age My preferred age range does as well. Right now it's running mid-50s to mid-60s. So you can see how far off this boy was.

And I say boy because that's pretty much how I view guys in their 20s. This one has always been polite and pleasant in any interaction I've had with him so I consider him a nice boy. But tonight for some totally bizarre and unexpected reason I started having Mommy-Domme fantasies (spanking, breast feeding, enemas, anal prep/stretching, etc) about him. I walked around the corner and saw him and was just swamped with those totally inappropriate feelings. Yeah...that was new. LOL

Crap

Oh geez, I did it again, didn't I? I used the blog as a whining board. Sorry. Was totally frazzled and scared last night when I got home and vented openly here instead of privately. So anyway, I deleted that post. I did save part of it though:

On the positive side, I saw some guy who was carrying his wife's purse around his neck like a St. Bernard carries a barrel. I wonder how long it took her to train him to do that??

What To Do?

My mind is spinning around in all kinds of fun directions this morning. I got up unusually early and had some of the Daddie fantasies that have been flowing through Me all week. Yeah, I got off before I even left the bed.

Then I came out to the computer and read about the bisexual male stuff that someone had sent Me yesterday that had Me all in a lather last night. How many ways can I make a subbie-slut suck cock for Me????

Finally I started reading some of the blogs I very occasionally get to read and My cunt went off to "fucking while nursing" land.

My mind is swirling around all those thoughts and My entire body is buzzing right now. Okay, it's mostly in My cunt. LOL Anyway...when I'm this horny...what shall I do??? Hmmmmmmmmmm.....

Unusual Feelings

Tonight has been weird. It started off with a super Goddess-y mood that surprised Me. Early on while I was at work some kid gave Me one of her candies and it was vaguely cock shaped. It was a gummy worm, you know, with ridges and a bulbous head. Like I said, vaguely cock shaped. Anyway, vague or not, it was enough for My mind to shoot off into some fabulous CBT fantasy land after I ate it. LOL So I was rocking the Goddess mood which is very ego driven and, frankly, very easy for Me.

Then a little later My two favorite male customers somehow ended up in there at the same time. That's never happened before. These two men are My favorite because they are both so nice. Both treat Me like a person and even recall our conversations to reference them later. Hell, I was telling one about My car issues and he could tell I was kind of bummed out so he went out of his way the entire time he was there to come over repeatedly making jokes to try and cheer Me up. Yeah, he happens to have this sexy as hell voice that makes Me cream, but even if he didn't he'd still be one of My favorites just because he is such a nice guy and treats Me as if I have value. I don't get that a lot where I'm currently working so it's good for My self-esteem, which is an issue for Me, at times (abusive childhood yada yada). Having two people who consistently feed My self esteem do it at the same time was kind of intense.

Anyway, to have the ego driven Goddessness floating on top of the fed self-esteem is an unusual combinations of feelings for Me. It's very interesting. Or maybe I just self examine wayyyy to much. LOL