Without A Net

I thought I'd do a brief update. First I would like to thank the people who have publicly and privately expressed concern for My well being. The fact that you care, however little, about what happens to a stranger is extraordinary. My life situation is such that I'm basically on a high wire without a net. My health was precarious at best and the choices I made were basically gambles that could quickly go bad with one minor mistake in timing or unforeseen event. My body is weakened to the point that each meal, or lack thereof, matters. A lot.

Sadly, this weekend was seriously boring. Basically all the time I was not working, I was sleeping. That is not like Me at all. However, last weekend was very horny. As you can imagine, My sex drive is off kilter and requires some extreme help. But last weekend I had a great fantasy about a friend's wife that gave Me a wonderful orgasm on Saturday morning while I was working and then when I got home from work I found this video that sent Me into the stratosphere. It was a Domme penetrating her sub's ass with what looked like a violet wand, but it was hook shaped. I came twice on Saturday and once on Sunday just from that video. I've got to get one of those hooks!!! I've never really been into electricity before so I'm not sure why the video appealed so much. However, the sounds that sub made...O. M. G. Just thinking of those sounds and his begging for it gets Me tingly. LOL

Unfortunately, I have had no privacy in the last 7 days that would allow Me to go view the video again so the sex drive has turned back off. Hopefully I will get some private time again soon. But I'm not holding My breath. Privacy is hard to come by in My world. LOL But I really really need the stress relief that sex brings.

Well, I guess that brings y'all up to speed.

Pride and Health

This weekend is the local gay pride parade and festival. I've wanted to go for quite a while now and for some time health issues kept Me from going and then the last couple of years time constraints made it impossible. This year it will be both time constraints and health issues that keep Me from attending. I have never actually been but I've seen the pics and from what I've seen there must be some presence of the leather community so I thought I might find some fun. Plus, of course, I love to see men fuck so finding a collection of gay men willing to fuck any sub I might bring home would be a huge plus too. Oh well. Ce la vie. Perhaps next year will find My health improved and My life situation different.

While we are on the health topic, I just want to warn y'all that I may not be posting here much. I've had a recurrence of a serious health issue that I have battled off and on for years and since fixing it is not an option in the foreseeable future, I just have to figure out a way to survive for now.

Sex Is Sanity

Tonight I discovered that someone I've known for a while as a nice guy is actually worthy of sainthood. At least in My eyes he is. He has done something that is just so far above and beyond what qualifies him as a "good" person. So anyway, he was telling Me about it and I could tell he was basically losing his mind. LOL Not in a psycho way, but just in a overwhelmed way. I know that feeling. So I was trying to help him out with as much advice as I could come up with and also just let him vent because I could tell he really needed to.

Unfortunately I could not offer My best advice. Sex is Sanity. He is just someone I know from work and not someone I tease or flirt with so I can't talk sex with him. I don't even know if he's gay or straight or seeing anyone or what. But I know from experience (and extrapolation) that sex is what can keep you sane when everything else is going crazy around you. It gives you a stress relieving "time-out" during the day with a quickie and at the end of a long day it can soothe you into a restful and rejuvenating sleep.

I Want a Slut

An interesting woman came into My work tonight. She had on a very very short skirt. It was so short that I frequently got to see the bottom edge of her ass. I saw enough of her ass to know she either had no panties or a g-string on. Anythign else would have been visible on what I saw. Now, I know I'm going to get in trouble with some of you for this, but the outfit alone made Me think she was a slut. I then recieved confirmation of that fact. She and the man she was with were alone on one side of the room in front of the back room where I have My own stuff. I came out of that room and surprised them. She was leaning over a table and he had his hand up underneath the back of her skirt. Now, all of us females have had our men grab our asses outside of our clothing and that is a totally different thing. Anybody who lets someone have their hand up in their sexual areas in public is a slut. 

I want one. I want a slut that I can touch anytime, anywhere, anyway that I want to. I want them to be such a slut for Me that he/she/it will melt when I touch him/her/it in an intimate way. Even in public.

Kissing or Tasting

I have written before about this guy at work that I sometimes fool around with. We don't have actual sex. I've also written about how I often have problems getting aroused by him. If I'm already buzzing because of something I've done with someone else earlier in the day, he will sometimes reap the benefits of that, but on the days he comes in and I haven't been aroused by someone else, it is damn near impossible for me to get horny from him and what he does. I had thought it was just a lack of compatibility. I wasn't really concerned about it simply because he is just someone I amuse myself with. It will never be a relationship. However, recently I discovered what the problem is. He does not kiss me. When I asked him about that, he said that he only kisses his girlfriend.

It sounds silly, but I had never realized how very important kissing is to the sex act. I guess because it's always been there before, I never realized how much it would be missed. This actually could have caused a serious issue with someone from my recent past. We had plans to head in a direction that would have included a behavior that would have made it impossible for me to ever kiss him again after it was done. That would have made it impossible for me to get aroused by him anymore. That would have been a really unpleasant surprise. Guess I dodged a bullet there.

So how about the rest of you? Do you find that being able to have that primal taste of your partner is fundamental to becoming aroused by them?

Understood

It feels so good to be understood. I have not been having the easiest of times lately and I vented to a friend earlier today about a couple issues and when he answered this evening it was so wonderful because he totally understood. Being understood by another human being is such a gift. It is like being wrapped in an intellectual hug. So often I feel alone and in understanding me, he gave me that moment when I felt less desolate.

Overdue Relief

I know. I know. I went silent again. The last ten days have really blown monkey chunks. It was a sprint to finish everything in time for the last day of the school year since I was so behind from My daughters extended illness and I was still sick on top of that. Then on the last day of the school year we got some tremendously bad news about next school year so I've been in a funk since then.

Finally yesterday My sex drive kicked back in. Which took some of the edge off My stress and that was really nice. Very overdue though. LOL

My fantasy was about that time when a sub really learns what submission means. To Me, that time is when I fuck him when he's not in the mood but I am. Have any of you experienced that?

The Chair

Tonight while I was at work there was this show called Jail on one of the televisions. It was on for quite a while and several times I saw the guards take unruly prisoners and put them in this thing they called a restraint chair. You have no idea how much I was creaming over this and thinking that I HAVE to get one of those chairs. I wonder if they will sell those to the general public. LOL

By the way, Happy International Fuck a Friend Day. I hope y'all had more fun than I did with that. :-)

Chastity Questions

I am having a problem with a sorta sub who is not showing the proper attention/focus toward Me. I've been looking for a way to teach him to behave in an appropriate way. I tried talking to him about it and expressing My displeasure and what I expected and even though he claimed to understand and said he would try, he is failing miserably. It's an ongoing issue and I'm really tired of it. So it's time for harsher lessons.

I have read about chastity, however, I've never used it as a training tool. So what I'm looking for is some real world opinions from those of you who have experience with chastity, both short and long term. Does it really focus the male toward the Domme in a more meaningful way? Would you recommend it for a male who has trouble properly prioritizing Me?

You can respond here or e-mail Me privately if you prefer. My e-mail address is on My blogger profile.

Beating Down Goddess

I know I know. I keep saying I'm going to blog here on a regular basis and then life gets in the way. LOL Specifically the end of this school year has been insane. My daughter was really sick for a couple weeks and that put huge amounts of pressure on everything since I am facing down a huge deadline and it is not Mine to meet. I mean, I have to get it met, but My Girls have to do that work for it. Oh well. Less than a week to go on that.

On Monday I was at a vanilla event and had to battle My Dominant side because the event was very disorganized (which is unusual for this organization) and I just wanted to take over. LOL Last night I let a little too much of Goddess out when this guy who is...well...I call him stalker because he knows where I live. Long story short, I mentioned an intersection that I lived near one time when we were talking and the next day he was over there trying to figure out where I live and since My Girls were out front, now he knows. So that was when it became a "stalker" situation. That day I had done something nice for him and apparently in his mind Me being nice is Me coming on to him because now he follows Me around like a little puppy dog.

So, he was at My work last night, again, and I was doing something that I didn't want to be doing. I was getting injured doing it and frankly it was hard because I'm small. He's very large so when he offered to do it for Me, I let him. I know I should not take advantage of his crush to use him to do stuff for Me, but oh well. I'm battling the Goddess mood right now and it slipped out.

Anyone have any ideas how I can beat down My Goddess mood? It is just not fitting into My world right now and it's causing problems.

More Confusion

Something very large changed in My life last weekend and I spent this week trying to make sense of it and get My bearings. Then tonight the guy that I sometimes mess around with came in. He was just in recently and tonight he came in out of the blue and weeks earlier than he normally would. He claimed he was "just checking on his machines," but he only opened two of them and peeked inside. It was obviously just an excuse. I doubt he made a special trip but probably he was in the area and decided to stop and see if he could get a piece from Me.

I had an unusually negative reaction to him touching Me. It was all I could do not to verbalize the feelings of...."ewwwww." I have no idea where that came from. Maybe I'm just too far into My kinky mood to respond positively to a vanilla sexual overture? I don't know.

Great. Something else I gotta figure out.

New Kinky Mood

Soooooooo...this has been an interesting day. I spent a good chunk of the afternoon having phone sex. I got two fabulous orgasms out of it. I'm thinking I should probably cum twice every day because just a few minutes ago I had My first good BP reading in more than a week. This morning's reading was still too high, but tonight's is nice and normal. Perhaps multiple orgasms is the key to My stress relief. LOL

This evening was filled with hotties at work. Damn I love the hot weather and we have a couple more days of heat lined up. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Finally, I'm off in a new perversion direction. Anyone up for some bestiality?

Snip Snip

As I said on Wednesday night in My comment to the last post, castration is now part of the extreme fantasy collection. That one just kind of came out of nowhere. Don't get Me wrong, I have had fantasies about it before. Sometimes extensive ones. It just hasn't been around recently. It doesn't go with Daddie or with Glorious Excrement (both of those are separate too by the way) and so to get all three to run in one continuous fantasy takes some mental gymnastics, let Me tell you. LOL

I have to say, I love My mind. No matter how bad My mood gets, My sex fantasies are always right there to bolster Me back up and keep Me moving. So if scissors is what it takes then I say, "SNIP SNIP."

Perversion as Therapy

I use My kinky sexuality as a form of therapy. I have a lot of stress/fear/frustration/pain/disappointment from several situations going on this week and coming up next week. You could say that I'm rather frazzled right now. LOL

So I have been attempting to jack up the intensity level of My sex play. Which means reaching for the hard-core extreme end of My sexual fantasies. It helps Me to function because it keep the negative emotions from paralyzing Me. Plus I have a health condition that stress exacerbates and it has been acting up big time these days. My active kinky fantasy life is one of the few things that actually works as stress relief for Me.

So do any of the rest of you use your perversions in this type of way?

Private Time

Due to some overnight guests, privacy, which is normally very hard for Me to come by anyway, was nonexistent at My home this weekend. When you are horny, that is a bitch. LOL I am craving porn. Fortunately, I am really good at seeing perversion in vanilla news stories and building fantasies off that. I have a pretty good sized collection of those type of articles and am always adding more, but sometimes I just need some honest to goodness porn. Unfortunately, I usually have little to no opportunity to partake of it.

There is good news though. Three days next week I will have some private time. I can't get hugely into anything then because I will have to be able to leave at a moments notice, but I will be able to have some fun. However, due to a trip and a class that are coinciding, I have a day in mid-May when the internet and I will have some extended quality alone time together. I am already counting the days until that one. LOL

If any of you have any good porn suggestions, e-mail them to Me. My public e-mail address is on My blogger profile.

Daddie Won

Yep I am back to normal. More or less. I even got the chance to masturbate to an intense Daddie/sissyboi fantasy before I left work tonight. Mmmmmmmmm I feel so much better. :-)

My Cunt Is Trying

My cunt is trying to get back to it's normal horny fun self. Tonight the guy I mess with occasionally came into My work and I don't always respond to him sexually, but I did tonight. That's how I know that My cunt really really wants to get back to normal. However, we could not do anything because of how it was at work so after he left we were flirting via text. Some men should just not be allowed to speak or, in this case, text. I know it's partly because he's young and partly because he is vanilla but sooner or later he always says something that turns Me off and he did tonight.

I really need to be horny right now. In the first place I had one of those awful people at work tonight who speak to Me in rude, insulting and condescending ways and so I have a monster headache. An orgasm would take that away. Also I have the residual emotional issues from My mother's birthday this week and what I really want is just a break from all the crap in My head. LOL

So...what shall I distract Myself with? Shall I go back to My most recent obsessions and be Daddie with My Fabulous Horse Cock? I could breed My little slut. Or be Goddess and nourish My slut with My Glorious Excrement? Or go off in a different direction entirely? Hmmmmm....

Silence

Hey guys, sorry for the silence. There are dates that are challenging for Me and one of them was this week. It would have been My late mother's birthday. I will return to My normal self soon.

Not That Kind of Daddie

I wasn't really planning to address this publicly, but I received yet another e-mail on it this morning so I decided I better clarify here. When I talk about Daddie and his Fabulous Horse Cock, I am not looking for a Daddie with a Fabulous Horse Cock. I am Daddie and it's My Fabulous Horse Cock. The sub is My eager desperate needy little cockwhore who only exists to be Daddie's slut.

Given the fact that I prefer males who are considerably older than Me, I have occasionally toyed with the idea of calling one of them "Daddy" and being Goddess to My "Daddy" but I have never pursued that enough to even try it out and that is not what I've been writing about here.
 
So please, those of you who misunderstood and think I'm looking for a Daddy with a Fabulous Horse Cock, stop propositioning Me. It's getting old. If the fact that I'm both female and Daddie taxes your brain too much, then just go find someone less complicated and follow their blog.

Upcoming Horny Weekend Fun

WooHoo. I get to have a super horny weekend. Due to a fortuitous set of circumstances I will be free to explore some fantasy stuff this weekend. I do have to work both days but the stuff I normally have to accomplish during My off time is not in play this weekend. I don't have to plan or prepare anything for My girls. I'm also finishing up the last semester of classes that I will be able to take and usually I have to catch up on assignments over the weekend, but this week I'm already ahead so I don't have anything I have to do.

Soooooo...what shall I do? Where shall I start? So many things are huge for Me right now. Glorious Excrement, Daddie, Fabulous Horse Cock...Can one get carpel tunnel from too much "self lovin'??" LOL

MMA Thoughts. GE Masturbation.

Well, those of you who read here will have noticed that I'm currently on a GE kick (see previous post). Something finally came up to take My mind off that. Briefly. Very briefly. LOL

Two MMA fighters came into My work tonight. In a post recently I talked about how homoerotic I find MMA fighting to be and how I always have gay sex fantasies when I happen to see it on television. Well, this is the first time I've come in contact with any of the fighters. Or at least knowingly. We have a pretty good sized MMA training gym here in town so I've probably encountered others before but just didn't know it so it didn't trigger the fantasies. These two were wearing t-shirts from the gym and had the bodies for it so they were for real.

One was hispanic and short. For some reason I have not yet been able to figure out I collect very short hispanic guys who crush on Me. I have 5 of them that come into My work on a regular basis and try to score My attention. I call them My runt club. LOL Anyway, this one didn't speak any english. Or at least I assume he didn't cuz the other guy with him was translating for Me. Okay, to begin with I am not gonna date someone with whom I don't speak the same language (DUH). Secondly, I'm not gonna date someone younger than Me (see about Me not being a cougar in a previous post). Third, I'm not gonna date a fighter. Ever. Too aggressive (ask Me about My My way/highway policy sometime). So the guy who was pimping him to Me was wasting his time. LOL

In any case, as soon as I knew they were MMA I was having horny fantasies about what I wanted to see them doing with each other. LOL Long story short the pimping guy actually works at the gym and gave Me his card and invited Me down to take a complimentary workout class there. LOL Ummmm...how many times would I have to take a time-out from the class to go masturbate from all the gay fantasy stuff going on around Me??? LMAO

So this all happened early in My evening but by the end of the night the GE fantasies were back. I even masturbated to them before I left work. :-) Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Today's Big Question

Today's obsession: Glorious Excrement. There is only one mood that brings that about. So the big question today is do I feed My Bitch Goddess mood or let it die off again? Hmmmmmm...

Moral Quandary

Holy crap y'all, what part of My sexuality has not visited Me in the last two days? I've been all over the place with Goddess, SuperBitch, Daddie, Mommie, hell, even Sir and naughty girl made brief appearances. It's been super interesting.

However, one of the topics that came up with a friend---cum eating---brought some more contemplative thoughts. Almost everyone uses cum eating as a humiliation. My friend does not. He uses it as a tool of self-love (and I don't mean that as a euphemism for masturbation). I was wondering if I could use it that way with some subs I know who have self esteem issues in order to do some healing.

My number one rule in play is that I don't break My toys. Or to put it another way, "that it harm none." Yeah there is sadistic fun with pain and humiliation and degradation but those are never done with the intent to harm. With some of My play partners I just have to take their word for it. I don't really know them outside of our kinky interactions and so I have no idea if they have self esteem issues or not. I don't know what makes them tick. On the surface they appear fine and so if they say they are fine I have to assume they are being honest with Me.

However, some I play with more intimately and I get to know them as people, not just sex toys. A few have self esteem issues. That leaves Me in a moral quandary because I'm not certain that Me being cruel to them during sex play is not doing harm. I've got a very over developed sense of responsibility and a very strong maternal instinct so when I reach the stage where I care about them as human beings then I naturally want to help with or fix what I can. If the level of trust is deep enough I can fix it. But for most they are unable to trust that deeply so I'm left with help, often only on very very shallow surface levels. Which is, of course, frustrating for Me because I know I could do so much good, if they would let Me. But even if they won't let Me do good, certainly I should not be doing bad. So I'm always holding back or with some trying to avoid going down the path of playing in ways that I'm unsure of the impact of.

But, of course, that undermines anything that could have grown between us and I'm left just kind of not knowing what to do. They feel Me holding back, but if I say why it will just make them blame themselves, which doesn't help anything. It just creates frustration and anger and pointlessness.

Horse Cock

Early this morning I sent someone a link to a horse cock dildo. It was sent as an example of My dream cum true but knowing that I'd never find someone THAT into anal. But even knowing it won't ever happen, I've been creaming all day thinking about what I could do to a boypussy with that dildo. Mmmmmmmmm.

Perversion

Oh geez I had a hell of a time focusing on what I needed to do tonight. I used a term in a discussion this morning that I haven't used in a while: BREEDING. Tomorrow I have to look around online for the dildo I want to breed someone with. Ummm...yeah, tomorrow is gonna be shot as far as focus goes too.

Then I innocently...okay, as innocently as it's possible for Me to be...open an e-mail tonight and there is a discussion of drinking gallons of cum. DAMN.

Will I ever be able to focus on non-sexual things again??? LOL

That's New

The last couple of days have been pretty sexually charged. I have one person writing to Me about his first time sucking and getting fucked by a real cock and another person writing to Me about the merits of fisting a female slut's pussy with a leather glove. So I am buzzing with sexual energy right now.

Enter into that situation this male I see at My work on a regular basis. This guy is in his mid to late twenties, I would guess. I am not a "cougar." I prefer older men. Okay, honestly, I prefer much older men. My father abandoned our family when I was four so I got the foundation of what having a father "feels" like but then lost it. So I will probably spend the rest of My life looking for someone who makes Me feel safe like that. Yes, I know, I'm not going to find it. That does not stop My soul from seeking/craving/needing it. As I age My preferred age range does as well. Right now it's running mid-50s to mid-60s. So you can see how far off this boy was.

And I say boy because that's pretty much how I view guys in their 20s. This one has always been polite and pleasant in any interaction I've had with him so I consider him a nice boy. But tonight for some totally bizarre and unexpected reason I started having Mommy-Domme fantasies (spanking, breast feeding, enemas, anal prep/stretching, etc) about him. I walked around the corner and saw him and was just swamped with those totally inappropriate feelings. Yeah...that was new. LOL

Crap

Oh geez, I did it again, didn't I? I used the blog as a whining board. Sorry. Was totally frazzled and scared last night when I got home and vented openly here instead of privately. So anyway, I deleted that post. I did save part of it though:

On the positive side, I saw some guy who was carrying his wife's purse around his neck like a St. Bernard carries a barrel. I wonder how long it took her to train him to do that??

What To Do?

My mind is spinning around in all kinds of fun directions this morning. I got up unusually early and had some of the Daddie fantasies that have been flowing through Me all week. Yeah, I got off before I even left the bed.

Then I came out to the computer and read about the bisexual male stuff that someone had sent Me yesterday that had Me all in a lather last night. How many ways can I make a subbie-slut suck cock for Me????

Finally I started reading some of the blogs I very occasionally get to read and My cunt went off to "fucking while nursing" land.

My mind is swirling around all those thoughts and My entire body is buzzing right now. Okay, it's mostly in My cunt. LOL Anyway...when I'm this horny...what shall I do??? Hmmmmmmmmmm.....

Unusual Feelings

Tonight has been weird. It started off with a super Goddess-y mood that surprised Me. Early on while I was at work some kid gave Me one of her candies and it was vaguely cock shaped. It was a gummy worm, you know, with ridges and a bulbous head. Like I said, vaguely cock shaped. Anyway, vague or not, it was enough for My mind to shoot off into some fabulous CBT fantasy land after I ate it. LOL So I was rocking the Goddess mood which is very ego driven and, frankly, very easy for Me.

Then a little later My two favorite male customers somehow ended up in there at the same time. That's never happened before. These two men are My favorite because they are both so nice. Both treat Me like a person and even recall our conversations to reference them later. Hell, I was telling one about My car issues and he could tell I was kind of bummed out so he went out of his way the entire time he was there to come over repeatedly making jokes to try and cheer Me up. Yeah, he happens to have this sexy as hell voice that makes Me cream, but even if he didn't he'd still be one of My favorites just because he is such a nice guy and treats Me as if I have value. I don't get that a lot where I'm currently working so it's good for My self-esteem, which is an issue for Me, at times (abusive childhood yada yada). Having two people who consistently feed My self esteem do it at the same time was kind of intense.

Anyway, to have the ego driven Goddessness floating on top of the fed self-esteem is an unusual combinations of feelings for Me. It's very interesting. Or maybe I just self examine wayyyy to much. LOL

Daddy's Home

My gender roles are kind of fluid. While I am female, I have interacted with people as "Daddy" and "Sir," as well as the gender typical Goddess, Ma'am, Mommy, etc. I know it is unusual for a female to identify as "Daddy" but not unheard of. I read an ad recently where the female submissive said she had interacted with a former female partner as her Daddy. So I know other people do it. It is just difficult to find. I've had a personal ad up for over a year looking for that but the people who have responded are really only using Daddy as a title---where it would be totally interchangeable with Goddess/Ma'am/Mommy/Whatever. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a more emotional experience. I can fuck anyone. Daddy fucking is more specialized.

The point to all this is that normally My inner Daddy is dormant unless fed but this afternoon it got triggered in the most bizarre way. My daughter was watching something on TV and the narrator of the show said, "What do you do when your own Daddy doesn't want you?" Holy Crap. Yeah, I know it was a totally innocent line and had nothing sexual about it, but tell that to My cunt!!! LMAO Yeahhhhh....My evening is going to be...interesting.

Just Askin'

Does anyone else find MMA to be homoerotic? Someone had it on one of the TVs where I work tonight and even though I only saw a few seconds here and there as I was walking past that particular TV, the near naked men rolling around on the ground with each other and when one would mount the other and start making pelvic thrusting motions had a very predicable response in My cunt. Yes, I was creaming and yes, if I had been able, I would have masturbated. It was not a "oooo big strong man" response...hell, I'm a Domme so I NEVER have that response....this was a response to what is essentially gay porn. Does anyone else experience something similar or am I just a giant pervert??

Sorry

Hey guys sorry for the whiny posts of the last few days. I don't want to use the blog as a whining board so I removed them. Due to the injuries, dead car and assorted other crap I'm probably going to be quiet for a while. I will write again when I'm feeling better and have something of value to say.

E.N.S.

I am battling this nasty cold right now. Just in case there is any question...My snot...more appropriately known as My Exalted Nose Secretion (E.N.S.) is to be cherished, revered and adored, just as all My "waste" is.

Fear and Tears

Today someone wrote a story for Me and he inadvertently pushed on a hot button of Mine. In the third part of the story he stressed how much fear the submissive was feeling over what was about to take place. Fear is a huge turn-on for Me. It brings out the predator in Me. I believe that all Dominants are, at their core, predators. I know that word has been given a bad rap by society but I don't see it as a negative. As long as the Dominant has a strong ethical basis there is nothing wrong with preying on those weaker than oneself. The key is to not feed upon anyone who does not want to be fed upon.

To get back to My point, the repeated use of the words fear and scared in the story had a hugely arousing effect on Me. I came at work again because I was reading it there. All I could imagine was the terror filled tremors in his voice, the whimpering, the begging and the tears. Oh My Goddess, the tears. Yeah, crying gets Me horny too. As much, if not more than fear. I love that power where I can take the male to the point where he is, in essence, a helpless little boy. When he reaches that level, I want nothing more than to devour him.

Need More

I had a super early morning appointment for a medical test today. I just got back. I work at night so mornings are not My best time. It is not that I'm cranky (okay, sometimes I am) but more about just being kind of groggy. It takes Me time for My brain to kick in. So I was fuzzy brained and uncomfortable from something I had to do to prepare for the test and the technician, while very nice and very professional, was not My "type" at all so I was expecting the visit to be non-eventful.

Then I got on the table. They have this motorized one that they can invert. Holy crap, I need one of those. So she has Me semi-inverted in this darkened room and is doing her thing and My mind is just going wild with kinky possibilities for this table. Yes, I did start to cream and actually squirmed at one point so she had to ask Me not to move.

Okay, I think if I get that horny and that into a fantasy at a medical facility I seriously need more sexual outlets cuz I'm clearly not "getting" enough. LOL

My Special Version

I know...two posts in one day is a little much, but as I was thinking about the one I wrote earlier this evening, something else occurred to Me. I prefer older men and so that "magic" little blue pill is a reality for many of them, including the friend I wrote about with the Kali. I incorporate reality into My play whenever possible and so what I came up with for him is My own special version of the game hide and go seek.

I thought I could hide his pill in the lips of My cunt and sit on his face. He has to find the pill with his tongue and when he succeeds I give him My golden nectar to wash it down.

So tell Me, have any of you come up with imaginative ways to incorporate Viagra into your play?

The Kali

Soooooooo...who here has used a Kali's Teeth Bracelet? This morning I got up at the butt crack of dawn and so I was alone for a while and had a chance to do some reading online. I read a post about someone using a KTB and it brought Me back to the good old days with a friend of Mine. He actually makes his own version of the KTB and they are one of his favorite things. So I emailed him about what I had read and we engaged in some fun memories. And then...well...yes...hottness did ensue and a good time was had by all. LOL

I thought I'd toss it out here and see if any of you have hot memories of the KTB. It is impractical for long term chastity, but it is wonderfully amazing for playing with. Especially teasing play. Let's just say...Oh My Goddess.

Uber-Horny

Holy crap My sex drive is out of control these days. I have had to masturbate at work 3 of the last 4 days. Including tonight. I only masturbate at work when I'm desperate for relief and it's affecting My behavior.

What is going on with Me??? LOL It's fun, but holy hell, it's distracting. Actually I have been extra horny off and on the for the last few weeks. Not sure what's up with that. Well, some is just the floating Super Bitch mood that shows up sometimes. Some is also that some friends are feeding Me sexual fantasies a lot more than usual. Hell even some new people here on the blog are feeding Me sexual fantasies. LOL

I'm thinking that perhaps tonight's extra horny mood was My brain's self-defense mechanism. Today I had a family member get diagnosed with a serious illness. I am the matriarch of this family and so everyone is looking to Me to deal/handle/fix/plan etc. So I think maybe tonight was just My cunt trying to keep Me from having a nervous breakdown or something. LOL

Possibilities?

Out of the blue some guy at work started flirting with Me. I say out of the blue because he has been coming in for the entire time I've worked there and while he is always pleasant and nice, it's never been anything but impersonal chit-chat. Until a couple weeks ago when he was excited about something that had happened in his life that day and so when I asked how he was, he sort of gushed about the new plans he had and some property he had just bought. At the time, I didn't think anything of it until he came in again two nights ago. When he arrived I was not out in the public area so he made an excuse to get Me to come out of the back room. I know it was an excuse because he didn't use what he had come and asked Me for. Over the course of the time he was there he told Me how kind I am, what a good person I am and called Me "lovely lady" twice. Those last two he did in front of other people and at least one of those other people looked at him like he was strange, but it didn't change his behavior.

He's going to be moving to one of the properties he bought soon so I thought maybe he just realized he would not see Me anymore so that is why he's flirting now? Plus I guess the use of the word "Lady" had Me wondering about submissive possibilities. But I do tend to analyze the crap out of everything so maybe he was just in a weird mood and it meant absolutely nothing. LOL Guess time will tell.

Currently

My current sexual interest is nursing. I would not go so far as to call it an obsession, but it is definitely of great interest to Me at this time. As I said in My profile, and for those of you linking here from another site, in My personal ads, I am not lactating. I'm just interested in the suckling and the emotions and behaviors that go along with "nursing."


It has been something that has appeared in My fantasies occasionally for years but I've never pursued it or tried to nurture those fantasies. It would just pop up once in a while. A couple months back I saw some people where I work who I am almost certain were engaging in some "stolen" nursing and that kind of triggered some more serious thoughts on the subject.

Since then I'd say about 75% of My fantasies have contained nursing. The last few days I've been super horny and all of My fantasies have involved nursing. It's not the only activity or even necessarily the main activity, but it's always there.

Do any of you have experience with it? Is it as emotionally uplifting and fulfilling as it seems it could be or do you just end up feeling silly?

Any Suggestions???

I bought some condoms a few weeks ago. I'm not a big condom fan, but I've got a medical condition that prevents Me from being on the pill plus there's the STD risk etc., etc., so since I was venturing back into the world I figured better safe than sorry. Back in the past I just used the regular ones but I guess I was feeling frisky or something when I was shopping and so I chose the "pleasure pack" which has several of their specialty ones to try out. The ones I carry in My purse are called "twisted pleasure." LOL Yeah, I just chose them cuz I loved the name. But there are others called: Sensations, Intense and Fire & Ice. I have never tried any of them and am not sleeping with anyone at the moment but I do have My trusty dildo so I'm thinking of trying them out. Any of you have experience with them and can recommend or discourage any particular type??

Also, while we are on the topic, how about those new warming lubes from K-Y...anyone tried those? I used to have this cream that was a gift from a sub...damn probably about 10 years ago and it was incredible. Unfortunately I can't recall the name of it. But the sensation when it was put on My clit during masturbation was outstanding. I would love to get more of it or something comparable.

Naughty Ideas

There is this guy I mess around with sometimes at work. It's nothing serious and nothing kinky. He's not even a "friend with benefits" kind of thing. Just an occasional amusement. However, I often have trouble getting or staying aroused because it is so totally vanilla. I thought I'd see if anyone on here had any suggestions about how inject some kinkiness that he will not find objectionable. Obviously he won't eat his cum for Me or anything fabulous like that. Can't even get him to kneel. Anyone know of anything I could probably get a vanilla guy to do that would be kinky enough to help Me get more aroused with him but would not freak him out?

He was in recently on a day when I refused to mess around because of where My emotions were at right then, but I know he's coming back early next week and he comes in every few weeks anyway.

Thank you

Just a public thank you to Old Bear. As always, you were of tremendous help to Me. This time with My profile here on blogger and the other things we are still working on. I don't know what I'd do without you reminding Me of My true value when I forget. :-)

New Favorite Word

Okay, I'm taking some slow baby steps back into blogging. Don't expect frequent updates right now. Time and privacy opportunities are very limited.

Anyway, I came across a word the other day and I think it may be My new favorite. Uxorious. Depending on which dictionary you use the meaning is "doting upon, foolishly fond of, or affectionately submissive toward one's wife" or "excessively attached to or dependent on one's wife."

It came up in a game of Scrabble. I have a pretty good sized vocabulary so I was surprised to find a word pertaining to My kinky world that I had not encountered before. Does that not sound like what a good slave should be to his Goddess-Wife?